If only I could turn back the time

yes....If only I could turn back the time. I would have done things differently. I would treat myself and the people around me better perhaps. I would have been braver and ask someone out.There are a lot of things that I would have done differently or avoid doing even.

There will be a time in our life that we would just sit down and ponder and wonder if things would have been totally different or greater if only we did them differently.One of the things that left a big hole in me is when I lost a very good friend for more than 22 years...

I would not have a big fight with my best friend back in elementary school. I used to have a very good friend. He was the first person to talk to me when I've moved to my new school. We were inseparable! We rode bicycles to school together, swam in the public pool twice a week and did lotsa fun things together. Until we had a fight over a very stupid thing. I forgot what was the fuss but I do admit that being an Aries, I handled things "differently". I flipped and snapped over stupid thing (since I forgot what it is). I was like the queen bee of male students back in school. So, everyone was on my side. I somehow feel good when seeing him being ignored/shut by everyone. I got carried away with my stupid angst that I think I've made his life miserable. You see, he was one of the smartest kids in my school.I was the cream de la cream too in the school. I may not be the smartest but I was influential because I was a social butterfly. I mixed well with everyone. I was good with my PR. And, if anyone crosses me, I will use my charm to win the crowd.That was what I did years ago. How miserable life would have been for him as he was literally ostracised by my classmates. He ended up mixing with the "untouchables" in school. They were the outcasts, he dressed differently from the rest of us and he ended up with not so impressive grades in exams.

I am not proud of myself. I do carry this guilt until now and I never forgive myself for ruining someone's life directly. I wish that one day I could have the opportunity to meet him up and tell him just how miserable my life is without having him around during my birthday parties, during recess, sport days and etc.

I made the same mistake during my undergrad years. I made 2 people's lives miserable and again, I thought that I was the innocent one...Clearly...I am not. I hate myself for being such a jerk. Thinking back, how I wish I could turn back time.I would not have pick a fight with anyone.I would appreciate every friendship I made and cherish it.

Being ARIES, I am aware of the fact that I am stubborn and being ultra sensitive, I think a lot, I worried too much, I am somewhat vain, I am also insensitive towards others.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stiff Neck and Pillow

Image
So I woke up and felt a sharp pain behind my neck. It was quite mild when I just woke up but it worsen by the hours. Technically, I was driving in a very static mode. I had to move my upper torso just look at the side mirror before making any exit or making any turns! I am pretty people think that I am weird that day. Stopped by a supermarket and bought a medicinal plaster for my neck. It is called Tokusen Strong.A medicinal plaster that you paste on your body.... We call it "koyok" at home :) It is soothing and it has a warm feeling. It also has a strong spicy smell. Some people dislike the smell but I quite like it for the record! It reminds me of old Chinese medicines...as Chinese traditional remedies are quite strong and effective. It made me sleepy too! So, I had to work the whole day with my stiff neck. Went out for lunch with my stiff neck too and took shower later in the evening with my stiff neck. Apparently, we the Bidayuhs have a very o...
Read more

The Chronicle :Sungai Padas (White Water Rafting)

Image
My second trip to Kota Kinabalu this year and this time around I'm killing two birds with one stone. I booked another trip to the Padas River in Sabah for White Water Rafting and joined a 10KM Marathon. As usual, my partner in crime would have to be Melisa. She persuaded me to join the marathon and in return I coaxed her into agreeing for a white water rafting adventure down the rapids. White Water Rafting (3 May 2014) We woke up early in the morning (5 a.m.) and headed straight to a 24-hour convenience store for a quick breakfast. The shuttle van came shortly after that. There were approximately 8-9 people in the van and our driver cum our guide; Ash drove us down to Beaufort town. It was an hour and thirty minutes drive to Beaufort. The trip would require us to take a train to the rural part of Beaufort for the starting point of the water rafting. It was a very small train (there were only three short coaches) and some of the passengers had to sit on the floor while some ...
Read more

Why I deactivated my FB

There are a few solid reasons that drove me to this path of having my FB deactivated: #1 It Is an Addiction I somehow came to a simple conclusion that I might be addicted to FB. I actually sense that revelation 2 years ago but I was in a denial state. I told myself countless times that it is normal to check/ go into my FB account like everyday. I reasoned to myself by saying that checking FB is as important as checking my office emails. However, I ended up hogging and stalking people's pages most of the time. Somehow, I come to term that it is unhealthy and quite disturbing. I don't want FB to control my life and make myself a public nuisance. #2 It Is a Silly Distraction I discovered that my FB has becoming my number 1 priority whenever I am at thedesk. My office emails and heaps of works came later. I always say this to myself; 5 mins of FB wouldn't hurt but truth is...I ended up wasting almost 45 mins of my daily life and wandering aimlessly about..in and out...
Read more